Fine
by Annil0u
Summary: He kept telling himself that he was fine. Except that really, he was not.
1. Prologue

*** Hi guys ! I apologise in advance for any mistakes that i might have made, english isn't my native langage ! **

**I'm doing this story as a practice for my studies, both for improving my writing and my English :)**

** I hope you'll like it, don't hesitate to tell me what you think of it and to mention me any errors you see !**

_ I, of course, do not own the characters or the serie or anything else_

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><p>His hands were shaking uncontrollably. He was trying, really, to make them stop, but they just wouldn't obey.<p>

The weather does was cold, and he certainly wasn't covered enough. And yeah, maybe he had skipped meal this lunch and this morning and maybe even the night before, he didn't really remembered if he had taken the time to eat anything before crashing on his couch. And he do was tired – no more than that, he was utterly exhausted. So maybe he should not be this surprised that his body was rebelling against him in some way. But really, shaky hands? Combined with his bloodshot eyes and zombie-like demeanour, people must think he was a junkie in need.

He needed sleep. He needed sleep so much. He was feeling like if he was going to faint at every moment. Every step he took was making more and more breathless and the world was starting to spin around him.

He had to continue walking. He was not going to faint. He was better than that, he was stronger than that. He was not going to admit he was feeling light-headed in public. He was not going to show his weakness. He was a soldier, he was a cop. He was better than this. He had to keep walking.

Just a few more step and then he could just get in his car and regain his breath that was taken away a little bit more every new second.

Black dots were starting to cover his vision, and all the colors from the world seemed to have faded around him, leaving him in an all greyish streets. He had to keep walking. One step at a time.

Finally, he arrived to his car. His hand now shaking like if he had a jackhammer in them, he desperately tried to fit his keys in the lock, and when finally he succeeds, he lets himself fall on the seat, and closed the door.

And then Jay welcomed the darkness with open arms, letting go the last bit of energy he still had.


	2. Chapter 1

**Thanks a lot for your reviews guys, it made me really happy, you have no idea how much :D**

**Pour LaFrancaise : merci beaucoup ! Je déduis de ton pseudo que tu es française aussi...j'espère ne pas me tromper où te ne dois pas comprendre grand chose haha :p Merci beaucoup en tous cas !**

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><p>Waking up was hard. His eyelids seemed so heavy that it almost hurt him to open them.<p>

Assembling all of his force on the probably easiest thing ever, he finally managed to open them and stared at the ceiling, weirdly proud of himself.

What day was it ? Oh, yes, Sartuday. It had to be Sartuday because yesterday had been Friday and he had thought then that it was nice to have a day off tomorrow and since tomorrow was today then it had to be Saturday.

Proud of his logistic reflexion skills, Jay smiled.

Wow, he didn't remember there was beam on his ceiling. Funny how you could live in a place for so long and not notice the little things like that.

Now that he was thinking of it, he really wasn't sure there had ever been beam on his ceiling, or anywhere else in his apartment, and he was quite sure his ceiling was white rather than this mallow color. Okay, that was weird. Like really really weird, in a worrying way. It probably would be a good idea to stop staring at the ceiling and assess the situation instead.

Putting all his will into it, Jay forced himself out of the bed, noticing at the same time that he was totally naked, which he was not sure was a good sign. A brief observation of the room make him come to the same conclusion he had already supposed, he was definitly not at his apartment.

Well, that explained why there was beam on the ceiling then. And that also explained the sleeping unknown lady in the bed he just got off also, he decided.

He spotted his clothes next to the door of the room, and dressed himself the more silently he could, and after checking that he didn't forget anything – phone, keys, wallet – he decided to leave without further due : first get out, and then think about what had happened, he concluded, was his best move right now.

As soon as he was out of the apartement, Jay felt himself relax a little bit, and he started walking, not wanting to stay here for too long. He didn't really understand why waking up in this girl's bedroom made him freak out a bit : the scenario of what happened was quite easy to guess, and it wasn't even that she wasn't pretty or anything, from what he had seen, she was a catch. And it's not either like it had never happened before.

But the fact that he didn't even remembered the smallest bit of the night before, or how he met this lady was disturbing. He never had any black out in his life before, or at least not one that included waking up in bed with a total stranger and no idea how he got there.

« Well I guess I'm getting too old too handle a bit too much alcohol » though Jay, sighing.

Still, his own explanation wasn't convincing him. He didn't feel hangovered at all, he didn't even have the smallest headache. He just felt utterly tired, like if he had been drained from all of his energy, and his body was aching from everywhere.

When he finally saw his car – he was starting to think that he would have to make his way home by feet -, he smiled, relieved. He turned the contact on and drove to his apartment, feeling in a way better mood now that he was in a safe place.

Once arrived in his apartment, Jay thinked that maybe he could be a good idea to check his phone for any missed phonecalls or messages. He felt all his happiness melt away when he saw the date on the phone : _Sunday, December 14th. _

Oh. So it was not Saturday. Which means he had not simply forget a night of his existence, but also all the day following. And that was a bit more problematic, if you asked him.

He went to his kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, deciding that it was best not to drink any more alcohol for the moment.

Okay, so his last memory had been him, leaving the police department, Friday. He wasn't feeling his best, if he remembered well… No, to be honest he was feeling like hell. And then he had gotten into his car ? It became hard to remember at his point. Ah, yes, he had ! But he couldn't visualize what happened next. Well, he could make a supposition of course : he probably went home and then… Then he had done things ? He probably had gone out. Maybe at Molly's ?

The fact of having no memories at all was frustrating, and he was having a hard time keeping his nerve. He gulped down his drink and went back to his phone, hoping it might give him some much needed information.

Okay so one great thing was that he had no missed calls or anything, which means no problem with anyone Monday. On the other hand, it seemed like Erin had texted him two times Friday night, asking him if he wanted « to come over watch the game tonight » and then saying that it was « fine, see you on Monday then partner » and wishing him to « have fun ».

Looking at the texts, two possibilities were existing :

Erin was talking to herself and that was not a great sign for her mental health

He had responded to her and for an unknown reason, erased his own reply on his phone

He decided to go with the second one. It would probably be better if at least one of the two partners was right in his mind, rather than both.

Sighing, Jay sat on his couch. This was strange, and this was wrong, and he should do something about it. But he was so tired, and even if that was weird even to himself, he really didn't want to. His entire mind was screaming to him to just let it go, to act like if nothing happened like « you forgot a day and a half of your life but that's cool man eh come on let's take a nap now ».

« Well at least I'm home » he said at loud, and let himself fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 2

**Hi guys ! Once again, thanks a lot for your sweet reviews, it may not seem like a lot, but it really motivates me, so to all of you who reviewed, thanks again :)**

**This chapter introduces a second story line in parallel of the one centered on Jay. The two stories wil eventually join, but I'll let you see that :)**

**Et encore une fois, petite note spéciale pour parce que ça me fait plaisir d'écrire un peu en français : oui, je suis bien une fille haha et merci beaucoup, ça me touche vraiment :') Mes études m'encouragent à essayer par tous les moyens à rendre mon style d'écriture et mon anglais le plus fluide possible, écrire sur ce site m'a donc paru une bonne idée pour combiner les deux tout en ajoutant une touche de plaisir ! J'espère que l'histoire va continuer à te plaire, et à bientôt :)**

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><p>« Hey partner what's on your mind ? You're not really talkative today ! »<p>

Erin waited for the answer, tapping her finger against her desk impatiently. She was bored and her partner seemed lost in his own world.

« Jaaaaay come on ! » She snapped her fingers in front of his face, and smiled seeing that it made him jump from surprise.

« Welcome back to earth, sleeping beauty ! »

« I was not sleeping. »

« Not with your eyes closed, yes, but you were miles away from here. »

Jay smiled, amused.

« Well I'm right here now, thanks to you. I guess that makes you my prince ? »

Erin laughed and hit him in the arm softly.

« But really Jay what were you thinking about ? »

He sighed and got up from his chair.

« Curiosity killed the cat, Erin. »

That being said, he patted her on the shoulder, and with a little smile, he walked out of the room.

« Eh ! Don't walk out from me ! Where are you going ? No seriously Jay you haven't even answered my question ! Wait ! »

She followed him quickly, and tried not to let her smile show on her face seeing him laughing, amused despite herself.

« Will you at least tell me what you've been up to this week-end ? I haven't heard from you since you told me Friday that you had « some company » over for the night. I guessed it went well then ? »

Jay stopped himself from letting show any emotion on his face, and forced himself to smile instead.

« Yep. »

« Something serious ? »

« Nope. »

Erin was about to respond when Voigh voice made them both stop on their tracks :

« Eh, you two, come back here we've got a case ! »

o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o

He thought it was going to be easy for once. How stupid he had been ! When did it ever had been easy ? Of course things weren't going to go as planned, they never do. But still, he didn't expect to find himself caught in the middle of a shooting by going to interview a 60-years-old couple about their latest case.

The case was awful, really. Cases that implied childrien were always harder, but this one was a particularly though one. He remembered everybody look when Voigh told them about it, this morning – a mix of horror and sadness, and really he had been feeling the same way.

The bodies of six little boys had been found in a container. They all had been murdered, two of them strangled and the rest beaten to death. The photos were painful to watch, and brought a feeling of unfairness to him. They all were so young… The oldest just turned ten, while the youngest hadn't even celebrated his sixth birthday.

After investigation, they had only been capable of identifying one of the children. He was the son of a couple of retired, that adopted him two years ago, never had encountered any trouble with the justice and had a clean police tried to call them, but neither of them responded. Antonio and Ruzek went to their house, and found it empty, but the neighborhood informed them that they had a second house, 45 minutes away from Chicago. Erin and him were sent to this second house.

Sure, some things should have rung a bell, now that he thought about it. The fact that the couple second house was in a isolated place – seriously, it was ten minutes away from any other humain being – for example. He wasn't stupid : when the couple didn't responded, he knew, as everyone else in the unit, that something was off. But not to the point that he would be welcomed with guns and bullets as soon as he entered the house ! And that sucked. Because now, they were in a delicat position, and he could only hope that the back-up Erin was radioing will arrive soon enough.

No one answered when they arrived, but the door wasn't closed. Shots fired just after they had entered and took a quick look of the room, and he only had the time to push Lindsay and himself behind a wall.

And there he was right now, trying to prevent the shooters from killing them while praying for the cavalry to hurry up.

He fired back, and grimaced when one of the shots grazed his right arm. Okay, that was not good. Really, really not good.


	4. Chapter 3

_Hi guys ! _

_**Yammy1983,Guest, ela :** Thank you very much :)_

_**Peach :** Wow, thanks, you're making me flush ! I'm so happy if you like it that much, and I hope I won't disappoint you with this new chapter !_

_**SingleMinded :** First thing first, I'm in love with your pseudo ! Second, thanks a lot, here a little cat drawing for you ^*..*^ ...Okay I know it does not look like a cat at all x)_

_**drarry55 :** Haha sorry, but hey, here's a new long chapter for you !_

_**LaFrancaise :** Merci beaucoup, tu me fais trop d'honneurs :D J'espère que tu vas continuer à autant aimer la suite alors, et merci encore !_

_This chapter is kind of strange... Well I'll let you see why ! If you have any question or anything that you might not have understand at the end, don't hesitate to ask me, and I will answer - if that doesn't spoil what's coming next of course haha !_

_Enjoy !_

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><p>« Put the guns down ! »<p>

Really ? REALLY ? He stopped himself from turning around and rolling his eyes at Erin. Did she really think for only ONE SECOND that they were going to obey, when they had already started the fire for two good minutes and were totally overpowering them ? Well, at least she still had some hope, and he guessed it was better than if she had decided to have a breakdown and curled herself in the corner of the room, but still, he didn't know she could be this naive sometimes.

« You both should put the guns down lady ! »

« Like if » thought Jay and he fired back. He smiled a little seeing he had touched one of the guys in the arms, and that one other had stopped firing to check on his comrades, making himself an open target. He shot him successfully in the torso and quickly backed down behind the wall when they fired back.

Okay. Two down, three more to go. But he only had one bullets left, and if he had counted well, it was the same for Erin.

Sighing, he looked at her deeply, trying to let her understand how deep they were and how it would be great if she could magically think about a plan before their opponents understand too that they were both running low on bullets and were almost not a threat anymore.

Erin seemed to have thought about the exact same thing, because she simply nodded knowingly. Their only chance was to go frontal now and hope for the best. Without letting himself think about the stupidity of his plan or how their chances to escape from this were way to low for his liking, he almost jumped from his position, grabbed a vase that was on the table near him and threw it at one of the guy in the head. He saw one of the guys going down and thanked in his head Erin for her good aim.

His last bullet went directly in the head of the last guy, and he checked the other guy that he had hit just before with the vase : this one was out of cold also, lying limply on the floor. Well, he didn't know a vase could do that much damage, but he was thankful of it.

« Good work partner » He turned to Erin, smiling.

And frowned when he saw her face going from relieved to horrified.

« Jay, behind you ! »

He only felt something jabbing him in the neck, and almost immediately, everything seemed to blur out.

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0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o

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He hit the ground, hard, incapable of stopping himself. His own body wouldn't respond to him anymore. But the worst was that he was still very conscious, but incapable of doing or saying anything.

His vision was blurry, but clear enough for him to distinct the form of Erin's legs, a few feet away from him. She wasn't moving. Why wasn't she moving ? He concentrated, trying his best to make his body obedient to him, but he just wouldn't move. He thought that he could vaguely hear something, like someone screaming maybe. Was it Erin ?

Jay knew the thing that he had been injected with in the neck was probably the cause of his state, but what he didn't is who jabbed him in the first place. He had counted they were only five guys, and all five of them were down ! Maybe a sixth one was hiding somewhere or one of them was only playing the unconscious part…

Erin's legs were moving. They stopped in front of him, and suddenly it was her knee and then her face that he was seeing. She looked worried. Eh, he was worried too, but he didn't like seeing her worried. He desesperately wanted to tell her something, anything, or to even move the smallest part of his body to reassure her but he just couldn't and it was the most frustrating sensation he had ever felt. He was feeling utterly useless.

Another pair of feets appearead, and Erin got up. Why was she getting up ? Who was with her ? Wait, they were going away. If Erin was with one of the guys then she was in danger. He had to do something !

But he couldn't.

He wanted to scream his frustration, but his lips wouldn't even move.

He wanted to kick something, but he could just feel his hands totally numb against the ground.

He couldn't even close his eyes, damn it !

Something wet was running down his face. Blood, he guessed. He did had hit the ground hard on his head on his fall.

They were no legs moving anymore. They had gotten out of the house. The only thing he could see now was the body of one of the guys he shot just before, and the ground.

And he thought it was going to be a simple interview…

.

0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

.

For how long had he been staying here ?

He couldn't be sure. He had started to count the seconds in his head a few minutes, he guessed, after the departure of Erin and the guy, and he was now at 4200 seconds. So roughly one hour and fifteen minutes, to which he could add the presumably five minutes after their leave.

So it would bring him to 1h20. But he had no way to be sure about that. Maybe they had left for less or more time before he started to count. But even still, the difference surely was not that important.

During all of this time, not a single person came. Erin had called for reinforcement during the shooting, someone should have arrived for a while now !

His eyes were burning, and he wished he could just close them, even for a second.

Why wasn't anyone coming ?

Was Erin okay ?

.

0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

.

Someone was coming. A pair of leg was coming closer and closer to him. Judging by the shoes, it was definitely a man, approximately 5'8 tall.

Jay saw a hand coming close to his face and then, much to his relief, his eyes were closed.

He felt someone grabbing him none-too-gently by the arm, and then he felt himself being dragged out of the house.

He was pretty sure someone was talking, but he couldn't understand what they were saying, the voices seemed to be coming from miles away while he was pretty sure they were just next to him.

Then something pierced his arm skin, and with a mix of relief and worry, he felt himself drifting into uncounsciouness.

.

0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

.

« Is he awake ? »

_Someone was talking._

« No.

- How long until he wakes up ? »

- I don't know. He's weighting less than I thought, I suppose he will stay out for another hour or so. »

_Who were they ? What was happening ? He had to open his eyes. _

« Eh, he's moving ! »

_Were they talking about him ?_

« Inject him now.

_No !_

- Sure. »

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0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

.

Jay slowly opened his eyes, and closed them almost imnediately, mentally cursing the light.

« Come on Jay, open those baby blue of yours for me. »

He knew this voice. Who was it ? Adam ! Yes, it definitely was Adam's voice. But what was Ruzek doing here ? Had he got himself kidnapped also ? Wait, what about Erin ?

« Where is Erin ? »

Well, at least, that's what he tried to say, but it came more as 'whesein', but Ruzek seemed to understand, because he responded :

« She's good, just resting in another room. Come on, open your eyes now ! »

Jay obeyed reluctantly and smiled when he saw that he was in an hospital room.

Okay, so they had gotten rescued then. Good.

« What happened ?

- Well you got into a nasty car crash in your way to the Parson's house. Erin got out with a sprained ankle, a concussion and a memory loss but rather than that she's okay. You were also quite lucky : you only broke two ribs, apart from all of those gash and contusions you got yourself all around your body.

Jay narrowed his eyes.

« What are you talking about ? What car crash ?

You don't remember ? The doctor said it might happen. Some guys found your car crashed against a tree, and they called the aid. I don't know what happened exactly, but you should have seen the state of your car ! It was literaly in pieces. You guys are really lucky to have made it out in one piece.

But the shooting…

What shooting ? Oh man, laughed Ruzek, you must be delirious from all of this drug they're giving you !

No, you don't understand ! » Jay felt himself tensing up «We never got into a car crash, we went to interview the Parsons and when we entered in their house some guys attacked us and…

Eh, calm down buddy ! » Ruzek was now frowning, clearly worried. « Come on Jay, it must be your imagination, you just were…

I know what I'm saying ! » Halstead cut him, trying unsuccessfully to keep his breathing even.

What does that mean ? What was happening ? Why was Adam talking about a car crash ? He knew he hadn't dreamed the shooting, and Erin getting away, and some guys injecting him something. It was real, he knew it. He knew it.

« Jay ? Jay ! »

It was getting hard to breathe, and his all body completely tensed up. He was aware that he was having a panic attack, but he couldn't fight it. What happened ? Why was Ruzek convinced they had a car crash ? What does all of this mean ?


End file.
